Families are fractured…. Society is fractured
In an effort to stop the pain, we’re acting out poorly, like bullying, to overcome feelings of inferiority.
How you relate to your child is what will bully-proof them.
For more in-depth info on these concepts, download these helpful brochures:
Children’s behavior is always communicating something to us…we just don’t know how to interpret it for its true meaning…the meaning behind the behavior.Parents, teachers and society need to learn to speak the language of connecting the behaviors with what’s behind them (i.e., “seeing the world through the child’s eyes”) then risking self and truly touching the “soul” or sense of the child. When we can do that, children feel whole, valued and important.
Strive to communicate
- I hear you
- I see you
- I understand
- Equaling I CARE
- I must make you happy
- I always agree
- I will solve your problems
How to Communicate With Encouragement
Help your child develop an Internal Locus of Control vs. an External Locus of Control. One way to do this is to replace some of your parsing statements with encouragement.
Although praise and encouragement both focus on positive behaviors and appear to be the same process, praise actually fosters dependence in children by teaching them to rely on an external source of control and motivation rather than on self-motivations. Encouragement focuses on internal evaluation and the contributions children make in the development of self-motivation and self-control.
Helpful Books on Bullying
Bully: A Discussion and Activity Book
This book addresses the issue of bullies in the school and gives helpful suggestions to both adults and children on how to deal with the stressful situation in a positive manner.
Hey, Back Off! Tips for Stopping Teen Harassment
A comprehensive teen guide to harassment prevention that incorporates strategies and coping tips for not only teens, but also parents and educators.
For Moms and their Daughters
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World
A MUST read for all moms of daughters, even if your child is not being bullied
In the Company of Women – Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop
Bullying does not stop at high school…especially among women. This is a good book that looks at how indirect aggression manifests itself among women.
What others are saying about us
I cannot say enough good things about Dr. Kay Trotter and her entire team at Kaleidoscope Counseling. They have gone above and beyond simple community service and have demonstrated their passion for healthy family relationships by giving freely of their time and services to lead Christ-centered parenting seminars and workshops at Flower Mound United Methodist Church. Each of the counselors that I have worked with has been knowledgeable, extremely competent, and wonderfully practical. I wholeheartedly recommend Kaleidoscope Counseling to all: parents, children, teens, and entire families.
Dr. Trotter helped me learn how to recognize the difference between external pressures and internal pressures as they relate to expectations in school, with family, and among peers. I learned how to look for activities that nurture and ‘feed my soul’, and to recognize things/people that deplete and drain my energy.
Working with Dr Trotter increased my self-awareness on every level. I realize how trauma suffered in childhood had impacted every aspect of my adult life; from the interactions I had with others. to my perusal choices, to my ability to parent successful
Dr. Kay Trotter is an excellent resource as a counseling practice as well as parent and community education. She is always willing to work with us in any capacity to serve our community and help our kids! With the variety of expertise in her practice, I know
Through parenting coaching, I learned how to truly listen and hear my daughter without projecting my thoughts, fears or judgments onto her. By reflecting back to her what she shared with me, she felt valued and respected. And of course, when kids feel valued and respected, they return that respect in their behavior and life choices.
When Flower Mound held a “Community Conversation: Drugs”, Dr. Trotter not only volunteered to sit for a panel discussion, she brought her entire team of professionals to provide answers and support to residents who attended. Her commitment was one of the critical items that made the day successful.
Praise vs. Encouragement
|You did it just like I told you.||You worked hard on that.|
|You did it better than anyone else I’m so proud of you!||You did your best, and didn’t give up.|
|All A’s! I’m going to give you a big prize.||You must be proud of yourself.|
|You are such a good girl (boy).||I love you no matter what.|
|With more work, you just might get this right.||How do you feel about it?|
|You really know how to please me.||Look how far you’ve come. You can do It!|
|Great! That is what I expected.||I have faith in you.|
|You always have the right answer||I appreciate your help.|
|Great! That is what I expected.||Your creative solution really worked for You.|
|You always look perfect.||I appreciate your help.|
|You are the best player on the team.||You can decide. What do you think is best for you?|
|I’m glad you know how to sit in class,||You figured it out for yourself.|