child abuse | Kay Trotter

By Appointment : Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm & Saturday 8:00 to noon
  Contact : (214) 499-0396

All Posts Tagged: child abuse

A Promise For My Daughter

Tears ran down my face as I read this today. Maybe it’s because I am mom and cherish every moment of the gift of motherhood. And maybe it’s because I have been preparing to speak about our abused and neglected children, and how “humanity’ has turned it’s backs on these precious little souls.

“A Promise To My Daughter” is a call to reclaim our humanity and say no more neglect, because                        “yes I will come, I will always come.”

 

A Promise For My Daughter

I’m tired and she’s tired. And she’s been weeping with frustration, her face a smudge of red cheeks and snotty trails.

I go down on my knees beside her little, chubby legs. They’re curving over the edge of her green froggy potty stool and she is glaring hot blue eyes into my face. I reach for her and she swats at me and doesn’t want the comfort I know she wants.

I gently take her hands and pull her up. Her tender self all frustration and sweat and nakedness melting into me. I cup her with my arms and my words and slowly stroke those damp curls back from her cheeks.

Untitled

I’ve got deadlines and to-do lists and no clue what to make for dinner. There is one quiet window before the boys come home and Pete has made it back early and we’re hoping for a snatched ten minute nap. But she’s inconsolable for reasons she can’t put into two-year-old words yet and I’m on my knees reaching for her.

I will always come, baby.

She’s in my arms and slowly beginning the ritual of stroking my right arm. Her curls are warm and sweaty and that pudgy baby cheek fits just under my chin.

I will always come.

Untitled

Untitled

I dance with her slowly – the rock and roll of motherhood – and I know this is a promise I can stake my life on.

I will always come.

When you forget your lunch. When you are sheep number 5 in the Christmas play. When you take up the recorder and bleat all the way through the Easter service. When you get that bad hair cut. When you think you want to be a beauty queen, when you swear off fashion altogether.

I will come.

When the mean girls make you want to shrivel inside your skin. When a teacher intimidates you. When you intimidate the teachers. When you think you can sing and try out for a musical, when you get laughed at and people point fingers at your hair and your shoes and your too bony hips.

My darling, I will come.

When that boy breaks your heart and you’re stranded at a college miles away, I will come. When the internship you thought was part of your calling falls through. When a friend gets sick. When the car crashes. When you have more long distance charges than you thought possible. When you run out of gas, chocolate chip cookies and faith.

I will be there.

When you say your “I dos,” when you you start your happily ever afters, when none of it quite feels like you thought it would. When you don’t know how to pick a mattress, when the sofa is in the wrong place, when you regret what feels like signing your life away to someone else. When you keep on keeping on. When you remember how to say sorry. When you need a safe place to say how cliche you feel all “barefoot and pregnant” I will so be there.

When the baby won’t sleep and the world’s on fire with sleep exhaustion.

Sweetheart, I will come.

When your husband’s out of work. When you’re down to one car and have moved in with his in-laws. When your job threatens to break your heart. When toddlers make you question your sanity. When you realize that you’ve made the worst mistake a woman can make. When you’ve run out of tears and still the tears keeping coming.

I will come.

Untitled

When you move and move and relocate again. When you pack boxes and dreams and hope. When your life is a world of duct tape and questions. I will still come.

And when your home is warm and your heart is full. When you’re at peace. When you need someone to share the joy, to watch the kids, to admire the dimples. When you want to remember that old recipe for melktert, when you still can’t pick a sofa, when you wish you’d never said yes to the dog.

When you don’t know where you’re going. When you’re the most sure of yourself you’ve ever been. When you’re holding onto faith with just your fingernails. When you’re singing, “Jesus loves me this I know” and you mean it with every tiny, beautiful, miraculous part of your DNA –

Zoe, always I will come. One hundred different ways I will come when you call.

I will rock and roll you with my love and the promise that I will help you get back on your feet. I will hold your hand. I will rejoice. I will babysit. I will pass the tissues. I will wash the dishes.

I will come.

Tonight.

Tomorrow.

And the day after. And after.

And then some.

lisa-jo-3Guest Blogger Lisa-Jo Baker: First and faremost Lisa-Jo is a mom. A mom who sincerely believe motherhood should come with its own super hero cape. And on most days she can’t find her car keys, her cell phone or her mind. Most nights she think her heart will burst wide open from all the messy love stuffed inside it for those sweetly snoring kids And many mornings I want to quit motherhood before I’ve even served the first bowl of Cheerios of the day. A mother who absolutely maintain that motherhood is the hardest and most transformative role we’ll ever had.

Yep Lisa-Jo is just like you and I.

Read More

Childhood abuse still impacting your day-to-day life? Read this!

 

adult survivor of abuse

This blog is for you if your an Adult Survivor of Childhood Abuse and or Neglect

A few years back I started to notice that I kept seeing the same type of adult client coming to me. As I did an inventory of these clients I began to notice that they all had many similarities but the key factor was the transformation that took place during counseling. In each session I consistently found that I moved back and forth between talking to the 30 something man or women then talking to their 3-year-old inner child.  That’s right these adult clients were all survivors of childhood abuse or neglect coming to me unaware of how their childhood abuse was still impacting their day-to-day life as an adult.

This blog is dedicated to all my brave soul survivors who challenged themselves to look at their dark emotions and work to  overcome their fears.

Childhood Emotional Wounds

Research is just now beginning to understand how profoundly the emotional trauma of early child hood affects a person as an adult. They realized that if not healed, these early childhood emotional wounds, and the subconscious attitudes adopted because of them, would dictate the adult’s reaction to, and path through, life. Thus we walk around looking like and trying to act like adults, while reacting to life out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of childhood. We keep repeating the patterns of abandonment, abuse, and deprivation that we experienced in childhood.

The Brain and Childhood Abuse or Neglect

Research consistently supports that abuse in childhood can dramatically alter the way the brain copes with stress in adulthood. Consequently childhood trauma can shape the way your brain works. The limbic system sometimes called ‘the emotional brain’ is the area in the brain that initiates the fight, flight or freeze response, for surveyors of childhood abuse their amygdala which perceives danger is immune to the effects of stress hormone cortisol designed to regulate it’s response it may continue to sound an alarm inappropriately. This is because the production of cortisol in children with histories of abuse and neglect is stuck in a chronic ‘hyper-arousal’ state and may persists for many survivors throughout their adult years as well. Even when the abuse and violence has ceased and the environment is ‘safe’, many adult trauma survivors still perceive the threat to be present.

So Now You’re an Adult

As an adults survivor of childhood abuse or neglect you may find that you produce too much of the stress hormone cortisol which causes you to be in a state of ‘hyper-arousal’ which in turn decrease the volume of  your  hippocampaal causing poorer functioning of declarative memory placing you to be at a  greater risk for experiences of depression and physical inflammations. As an adult survivor you will be more likely to be highly stressed, have difficulties with anger and emotions, and be prone to self-harm, anxiety, suicide and depression.

What to do Now

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) is an international self-help support group program designed specifically for adult survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse suggest that you take some time with the following two self-assessment scales to help you determine your current level of safety. After each checklist and the scoring information, there are some recommendations, which are designed to help you determine whether you are ready to progress with a recovery program.

Safety Checklist

Check “Yes” or “No” to answer each question:

1. Do you have impulses to harm yourself?                                                        Y:___ N:___

2. Do you find yourself in unsafe situations?                                                     Y:___ N:___

3. Do you easily feel overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts,

memories or bodily sensations?                                                                            Y:___ N:___

4. Do you currently feel threatened by someone close to you?                       Y:___ N:___

5. Have you ever attempted suicide?                                                                     Y:___ N:___

6. Have you ever “lost time” or lost sense of being yourself?                           Y:___ N:___

7. Do you use alcohol or drugs to excess?                                                             Y:___ N:___

8. Is there a firearm or other potentially dangerous

weapon at your residence?                                                                                       Y:___ N:___

9. Have you been victimized by someone within

the last three years?                                                                                                    Y:___ N:___

10. Is someone close to you involved in illegal activities?                                   Y:___ N:___

SCORING: If you checked “YES” to more than three questions, your current risk level is HIGH.

RECOMMENDATIONS: Let this checklist tell you what you must do to lower your risk level and create more safety in your life. Some of the situations, such as that posed in question eight, concerning firearms or dangerous weapons, can be resolved easily: remove the firearm or weapon from your residence. With other situations, such as past victimization (question nine), there is little you can do except to make every effort to prevent a recurrence. In most of the other questions, the issues are somewhat complicated but not unsolvable. You can (and should) seek professional help if you lose sense of time or of your self or have impulses to harm yourself. If you are being threatened or abused by someone close to you, you need to take steps to protect yourself and to make the threats or abuse stop  even if this means ending the relationship. If you are unsure as to how to address any of these questions, then you may need help to figure out how to create SAFETY FIRST!

Suicide Behavior Checklist

Check “Yes” or “No” to answer each question:

1. Do you feel chronically depressed?                                                                Y:___ N:___

2. Do you have recurring thoughts of killing yourself?                                  Y:___ N:___

3. Do you have a specific plan to kill yourself?                                                Y:___ N:___

4. Have you acquired the means to kill yourself,

such as a supply of pills or a gun?                                                                       Y:___ N:___

5. Do you intend to carry out this plan to kill yourself

within a specified time frame?                                                                            Y:___ N:___

6. Do you have thoughts of actually killing or harming others?                   Y:___ N:___

7. If yes, have you made specific plans or arrangements

for this to occur?                                                                                                     Y:___ N:___

SCORING: If you answered “YES” to ANY of the above questions, your suicide/harmful behavior risk level is HIGH.

RECOMMENDATIONS: Get professional help IMMEDIATELY.

You need to first lower your suicide/harmful behavior risk before attempting to initiate or continue recovery from your child abuse. The two are probably connected, but it is very important that you concentrate first on stabilizing yourself before delving deeper into your abuse issues.

Resources:

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) is an international self-help support group program designed specifically for adult survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse.

The ASCA program offers:

  • Community based self-help support groups
  • Provider based self-help support groups
  • Web based self-help support groups
  • Survivor to Thriver workbooks

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about Kaleidoscope Counseling please call 214-499-0396

Dr Trotter also post regularly on her: Facebook Fan Page and Pinterest.

Read More

Childhood Abuse – Nearly 200,000 children are reported as abused each year in Texas

Nearly 200,000 children are reported as abused or neglected each year in Texas. Every day, about four children die in the U.S. because of abuse or neglect, most of them babies or toddlers.  For every incident of child abuse or neglect that gets reported, it’s estimated that two others go unreported.

Myths About Child Abuse

Myth 1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent or sexual.

Fact: Physical and sexual abuse are just two types of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be damaging also, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene. Neglect is by far the most common form of child abuse, accounting for more than 60% of all cases.

Myth 2: Only drunks or dope heads (bad people) abuse children.

Fact: While it might be comforting to say that only “bad people” abuse children, that generalization is not correct. About 10% of babies are born to drug-using mothers. Of kids who have a parent who uses drugs, one in 13 is physically abused regularly. Not all abusers are people that we would characterize as “bad.” Many abusers have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Someone who appears outwardly to be a “good” person can be a child abuser.

Myth 3: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, ethnic, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who outwardly seem to have everything together are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

Myth 4: Only strangers in trench coats commit child abuse.

Fact: While strangers do commit child abuse, most child abusers are family members or others close to the family.

Yes, Child Abuse Prevention Month is a really big deal because child abuse is a really big problem. What can you do? Educate yourself about child abuse. Contact our local CPS office (Department of Family and Protective Services) or your local child advocacy center. They will have information about the definitions and signs of child abuse. Get involved! Help us prevent child abuse in a personal way.

hotline-poster-graphic

National Child Abuse Hotline

1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)


Tips for talking to an abused child

  • Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.
  • Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his or her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.
  • Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.
  • Safety comes first. If you feel that your safety or the safety of the child would be threatened if you try to intervene, leave it to the professionals. You may be able to provide more support later after the initial professional intervention.

Reporting child abuse and neglect

If you suspect a child is being abused, it’s critical to get them the help he or she needs. Reporting child abuse seems so official. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives. Understanding some of the myths behind reporting may help put your mind at ease if you need to report child abuse:

  • I don’t want to interfere in someone else’s family. The effects of child abuse are lifelong, affecting future relationships, self-esteem, and sadly putting even more children at risk of abuse as the cycle continues. Help break the cycle of child abuse.
  • What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home – unless the child is clearly in danger. Support such as parenting classes, anger management or other resources may be offered first to parents if safe for the child.
  • They will know it was me who called. Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
  • It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify child abuse that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.

Sources: DoSomthingAboutIt.com and HelpGuide.org

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about her counseling practice, you can contact her at: Kay@KayTrotter.com or 214-499-0396

Dr Trotter also post regularly in her FaceBook fan page http://www.facebook.com/DrKaySudekumTrotter and her Pinterest boards http://pinterest.com/drkaytrotter/

Read More

Invisible Wounds of Deeply Hurting Children

Guest Blogger—Dr. David A. Crenshaw, is a highly credentialed and respected clinical psychologist who for more than 30 years has dedicated his career, Center, books, videotape, projective techniques, and leadership to helping defiant, oppositional, aggressive children.

FAWNS IN GORILLA SUITS

By Dr. David A. Crenshaw, PhD

A fawn at the edge of the woods watches with a wary eye. Any sudden movement is likely to startle and send the fawn scurrying into the woods. If, however, you don’t approach and be still the fawn may cautiously move a step closer. Children who are hurting deep inside from invisible, but very real wounds are like a fawn on the edge of the woods. They fear being hurt again. They don’t dare approach because they fear that you will add to their pain. As much as they desire the contact, it will not be easy to convince them. Basic trust in some of these children was never established. They did not experience early in life what all children need to develop a sense of security, safety, and trust. They did not experience being cared for, loved, protected and nurtured. Some children do not get this at all, others unpredictably and inconsistently. The moments of nurture and love may be interspersed with anger or cold indifference.

A small group of children experience life as a horror show.  These are the repeatedly abused, often deprived and severely traumatized children who undergo multiple out-of-home placements. Their sense of trust is shattered. These are the children who typically make up the population of today’s residential treatment centers. For these children allowing a modicum of closeness with even the most warm and friendly adult is taking a monumental risk.

Sociocultural Trauma

The work of Kenneth V. Hardy, Director of the Eikenberg Institute for Relationships and Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Syracuse University and of James Garbarino at Loyola University advocate for a more  complex understanding of severely aggressive children; not to simply view them as “bad kids.”   When the layers are peeled away what emerges are glimpses of deeply hurting children, who have suffered multiple, profound losses, and all too frequently traumatic losses.  Hardy1 stated that the complex underlying emotional process that is at the core of the child’s aggressive acting-out needs to be appreciated. Unless the losses, the trauma events are faced, the treatment will consist of putting balm on the wounds, but there will be no healing.

Dehumanized Loss

The invisible wounds2,3 so often unrecognized by others and unacknowledged even by the child are thus trivialized and devalued.  The disenfranchised grief of children4 is a result of the cumulative effect of multiple losses never attended to and the unexpressed, buried grief of children that is not recognized, supported or facilitated by the care taking adults.  The end result of such ignored and unsupported grief is often loss of capacity to feel; what Hardy2 refers to as dehumanized loss.  Dehumanized loss plays a central role in the cycle of violence since the inability to feel one’s own pain can result in extreme cases in the child’s loss of the capacity to feel for the pain inflicted on others.

The Emotionally Focused Therapeutic Work

To restore a child’s capacity for empathy with his or her own pain and for the pain of others requires intense, in-depth emotionally focused work.1,2,3,5 This is not short-term work and there are no quick fixes. It involves engaging all the relevant systems impacting on the child and family. It will not be enough to engage the family. The larger systems of school, community, social service, and courts, will all have to be integrated in the provision of services in order for meaningful intervention to occur. Without a safety net of support, regular and reliable communication between service providers, the child and/or family will fall through the cracks. The pressures on these systems to meet an ever expanding level of need, to serve more seriously impaired individuals and families, and the human and emotional toll that this work can exact poses the risk that the systems designed to provide care becomes dehumanized as well.

The Traumatized Child Within

Garbarino6 reminds us that whenever he has interviewed a youth who has committed a violent crime he almost always finds an untreated traumatized child. To provide the intensive treatment that these children and families need, as many studies5 have indicated, will in the long run result in huge cost savings to society.  Furthermore, by making this commitment to providing the intensive services needed to the most vulnerable of our citizens it will be a step towards reversing the insidious devaluing process that results from making the mental health treatment of socioculturally traumatized children in our society a low priority.

The art of healing fawns in gorilla suits requires not taking their anger personally, but realizing anger is how they protect themselves.  They hurt deep inside from invisible, yet very real wounds.  To help such children feel safe, become trusting, and deal with intense emotions, Dr. Crenshaw developed special play therapy techniques.  He teaches his techniques to clinicians, school personnel, and others who work with angry children.

Resources

Rhinebeck Child and Family Center, LLC

Books – DVD’s – Consulting – Training

www.childtherapytechniques.com/

References

  1. Hardy, K.V. (2003). Working with aggressive and violent youth. Psychotherapy Networker Symposium. Washington, DC
  2. Hardy, K. V. & Laszloffy, T. (2005). Teens who hurt: Clinical interventions to break the cycle of violence. New York: Guilford Press.Crenshaw, D.A. & Mordock, J.B. (2005a). Handbook of play therapy with aggressive children. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.
  3. Crenshaw, D.A. & Hardy, K.V. (2005). Understanding and treating the aggression and violence of traumatized youth in out-of-home care. In N. Boyd-Webb (ed.),Traumatized youth in child welfare, pp. 171-195. New York: Guilford Press.
  4. Crenshaw, D. A. (2002). Disenfranchised grief of children. In K. J. Doka (ed.), Disenfranchised grief: New directions, challenges and strategies for practice (pp. 293-306). Champaign, IL: Research Press.
  5. Crenshaw, D.A. & Mordock, J.B. (2005b). Understanding and treating the aggression of children: Fawns in gorilla suits.  Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson.
  6. Garbarino, J. (1999). Lost boys: Why our sons turn violent and how we can save them. New York: Anchor Books, A Division of Random House.
Read More

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse or Neglect

A few years back I started to notice that I kept seeing the same type of adult client coming to me. As I did an inventory of these clients I began to notice that they all had many similarities but the key factor was the transformation that took place during counseling. In each session I consistently found that I moved back and forth between talking to the 30 something man or women then talking to their 3-year-old inner child.  That’s right these adult clients were all survivors of childhood abuse or neglect coming to me unaware of how their childhood abuse was still impacting their day-to-day life as an adult.

This blog is dedicated to all my brave soul survivors who challenged themselves to look at their dark emotions and work to  overcome their fears.

Childhood Emotional Wounds

Research is just now beginning to understand how profoundly the emotional trauma of early child hood affects a person as an adult. They realized that if not healed, these early childhood emotional wounds, and the subconscious attitudes adopted because of them, would dictate the adult’s reaction to, and path through, life. Thus we walk around looking like and trying to act like adults, while reacting to life out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of childhood. We keep repeating the patterns of abandonment, abuse, and deprivation that we experienced in childhood.

The Brain and Childhood Abuse or Neglect

Research consistently supports that abuse in childhood can dramatically alter the way the brain copes with stress in adulthood. Consequently childhood trauma can shape the way your brain works. The limbic system sometimes called ‘the emotional brain’ is the area in the brain that initiates the fight, flight or freeze response, for surveyors of childhood abuse their amygdala which perceives danger is immune to the effects of stress hormone cortisol designed to regulate it’s response it may continue to sound an alarm inappropriately. This is because the production of cortisol in children with histories of abuse and neglect is stuck in a chronic ‘hyper-arousal’ state and may persists for many survivors throughout their adult years as well. Even when the abuse and violence has ceased and the environment is ‘safe’, many adult trauma survivors still perceive the threat to be present.

So Now You’re an Adult

As an adults survivor of childhood abuse or neglect you may find that you produce too much of the stress hormone cortisol which causes you to be in a state of ‘hyper-arousal’ which in turn decrease the volume of  your  hippocampaal causing poorer functioning of declarative memory placing you to be at a  greater risk for experiences of depression and physical inflammations. As an adult survivor you will be more likely to be highly stressed, have difficulties with anger and emotions, and be prone to self-harm, anxiety, suicide and depression.

What to do Now

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) is an international self-help support group program designed specifically for adult survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse suggest that you take some time with the following two self-assessment scales to help you determine your current level of safety. After each checklist and the scoring information, there are some recommendations, which are designed to help you determine whether you are ready to progress with a recovery program.

Safety Checklist

Check “Yes” or “No” to answer each question:

1. Do you have impulses to harm yourself?                                                        Y:___ N:___

2. Do you find yourself in unsafe situations?                                                     Y:___ N:___

3. Do you easily feel overwhelmed by feelings, thoughts,

memories or bodily sensations?                                                                            Y:___ N:___

4. Do you currently feel threatened by someone close to you?                       Y:___ N:___

5. Have you ever attempted suicide?                                                                     Y:___ N:___

6. Have you ever “lost time” or lost sense of being yourself?                           Y:___ N:___

7. Do you use alcohol or drugs to excess?                                                             Y:___ N:___

8. Is there a firearm or other potentially dangerous

weapon at your residence?                                                                                       Y:___ N:___

9. Have you been victimized by someone within

the last three years?                                                                                                    Y:___ N:___

10. Is someone close to you involved in illegal activities?                                   Y:___ N:___

SCORING: If you checked “YES” to more than three questions, your current risk level is HIGH.

RECOMMENDATIONS: Let this checklist tell you what you must do to lower your risk level and create more safety in your life. Some of the situations, such as that posed in question eight, concerning firearms or dangerous weapons, can be resolved easily: remove the firearm or weapon from your residence. With other situations, such as past victimization (question nine), there is little you can do except to make every effort to prevent a recurrence. In most of the other questions, the issues are somewhat complicated but not unsolvable. You can (and should) seek professional help if you lose sense of time or of your self or have impulses to harm yourself. If you are being threatened or abused by someone close to you, you need to take steps to protect yourself and to make the threats or abuse stop  even if this means ending the relationship. If you are unsure as to how to address any of these questions, then you may need help to figure out how to create SAFETY FIRST!

Suicide Behavior Checklist

Check “Yes” or “No” to answer each question:

1. Do you feel chronically depressed?                                                                Y:___ N:___

2. Do you have recurring thoughts of killing yourself?                                  Y:___ N:___

3. Do you have a specific plan to kill yourself?                                                Y:___ N:___

4. Have you acquired the means to kill yourself,

such as a supply of pills or a gun?                                                                       Y:___ N:___

5. Do you intend to carry out this plan to kill yourself

within a specified time frame?                                                                            Y:___ N:___

6. Do you have thoughts of actually killing or harming others?                   Y:___ N:___

7. If yes, have you made specific plans or arrangements

for this to occur?                                                                                                     Y:___ N:___

SCORING: If you answered “YES” to ANY of the above questions, your suicide/harmful behavior risk level is HIGH.

RECOMMENDATIONS: Get professional help IMMEDIATELY.

You need to first lower your suicide/harmful behavior risk before attempting to initiate or continue recovery from your child abuse. The two are probably connected, but it is very important that you concentrate first on stabilizing yourself before delving deeper into your abuse issues.

Resources:

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) is an international self-help support group program designed specifically for adult survivors of neglect, physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse. Web pagehttp://www.ascasupport.org/

The ASCA program offers:

  • Community based self-help support groups
  • Provider based self-help support groups
  • Web based self-help support groups
  • Survivor to Thriver workbooks

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about her counseling practice, you can contact her at: Kay@KayTrotter.com214-499-0396, or visit her web site http://www.KayTrotter.com.

Dr Trotter also post regularly in her FaceBook fan page http://www.facebook.com/DrKaySudekumTrotter.

Read More

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

Nearly 200,000 children are reported as abused or neglected each year in Texas. Every day, about four children die in the U.S. because of abuse or neglect, most of them babies or toddlers.  For every incident of child abuse or neglect that gets reported, it’s estimated that two others go unreported.

What are some of the myths about child abuse

Myth 1: It’s only abuse if it’s violent or sexual.

Fact: Physical and sexual abuse are just two types of child abuse. Neglect and emotional abuse can be damaging also, and since they are more subtle, others are less likely to intervene. Neglect is by far the most common form of child abuse, accounting for more than 60% of all cases.

Myth 2: Only drunks or dope heads (bad people) abuse children.

Fact: While it might be comforting to say that only “bad people” abuse children, that generalization is not correct. About 10% of babies are born to drug-using mothers. Of kids who have a parent who uses drugs, one in 13 is physically abused regularly. Not all abusers are people that we would characterize as “bad.” Many abusers have been victims of abuse themselves, and don’t know any other way to parent. Someone who appears outwardly to be a “good” person can be a child abuser.

Myth 3: Child abuse doesn’t happen in “good” families.

Fact: Child abuse doesn’t only happen in poor families or bad neighborhoods. It crosses all racial, ethnic, economic, and cultural lines. Sometimes, families who outwardly seem to have everything together are hiding a different story behind closed doors.

Myth 4: Only strangers in trench coats commit child abuse.

Fact: While strangers do commit child abuse, most child abusers are family members or others close to the family.

Yes, Child Abuse Prevention Month is a really big deal because child abuse is a really big problem. What can you do? Educate yourself about child abuse. Contact our local CPS office (Department of Family and Protective Services) or your local child advocacy center. They will have information about the definitions and signs of child abuse. Get involved! Help us prevent child abuse in a personal way.

National Child Abuse Hotline

1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)


Tips for talking to an abused child

  • Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.
  • Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his or her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.
  • Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.
  • Safety comes first. If you feel that your safety or the safety of the child would be threatened if you try to intervene, leave it to the professionals. You may be able to provide more support later after the initial professional intervention.

Reporting child abuse and neglect

If you suspect a child is being abused, it’s critical to get them the help he or she needs. Reporting child abuse seems so official. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives. Understanding some of the myths behind reporting may help put your mind at ease if you need to report child abuse:

  • I don’t want to interfere in someone else’s family. The effects of child abuse are lifelong, affecting future relationships, self-esteem, and sadly putting even more children at risk of abuse as the cycle continues. Help break the cycle of child abuse.
  • What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home – unless the child is clearly in danger. Support such as parenting classes, anger management or other resources may be offered first to parents if safe for the child.
  • They will know it was me who called. Reporting is anonymous. In most states, you do not have to give your name when you report child abuse. The child abuser cannot find out who made the report of child abuse.
  • It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify child abuse that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.

Sources: DoSomthingAboutIt.com and HelpGuide.org

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about her counseling practice, you can contact her at: Kay@KayTrotter.com214-499-0396, or visit her web site http://www.KayTrotter.com.

Dr Trotter also post regularly in her FaceBook fan page http://www.facebook.com/DrKaySudekumTrotter.

Read More
Paste your AdWords Remarketing code here