Love | Kay Trotter

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All Posts Tagged: Love

Coping with Grief at Christmas through Play

“I miss my sissy”

I have to share this photo and story from another play therapies friend of mine!

Molly wrote me telling me this story: A friend of mine lost her, then 16-year-old, daughter in a car accident one year ago. As the family is dealing with the pain of the loss at the holidays – this photo was taken today (Dec 23, 2013).

It is my friends older daughter who is 19, found in the home playing with their old toys (which the two were known to do often together.) I love this photo – it speaks VOLUMES to the power of play – at the angel the picture was taken, you can’t tell this is a 19-year-old young lady, but rather – I can see the child in her coming out, trying to feel connected to her lost sister as a way to cope with missing her at the Holidays.

In her words, she shared “I miss my sissy and this was the only way to feel more with her.”

Dr Kay Trotter Kaleidoscope Counseling

Through play a child communicates emotions & feelings

I would love to hear your stores on how you cope with grieve during the Christmas Holiday.

Please leave me your comment as this is the first Christmas with out my mom (Sue Sudekum 1932-2013) and I miss her very much. In fact I find that this Christmas I cry a lot and at the lease little thing too. As painful as this time is, it does bring my mom closer to me as I have been thinning and talking to her often.

Death and Grief Resources

Dealing with grief during the holidays

An encouraging word – for those who grief at Christmas 

Dr John Irvine helping children deal with grief at Christmas

More of Dr Kay’s blogs on Grief:

Grief and Loss

How to Comfort a Friend After a Death

Guiding Teens Through Loss

Invisible Wounds of Deeply Hurting Children

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A Promise For My Daughter

Tears ran down my face as I read this today. Maybe it’s because I am mom and cherish every moment of the gift of motherhood. And maybe it’s because I have been preparing to speak about our abused and neglected children, and how “humanity’ has turned it’s backs on these precious little souls.

“A Promise To My Daughter” is a call to reclaim our humanity and say no more neglect, because                        “yes I will come, I will always come.”

 

A Promise For My Daughter

I’m tired and she’s tired. And she’s been weeping with frustration, her face a smudge of red cheeks and snotty trails.

I go down on my knees beside her little, chubby legs. They’re curving over the edge of her green froggy potty stool and she is glaring hot blue eyes into my face. I reach for her and she swats at me and doesn’t want the comfort I know she wants.

I gently take her hands and pull her up. Her tender self all frustration and sweat and nakedness melting into me. I cup her with my arms and my words and slowly stroke those damp curls back from her cheeks.

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I’ve got deadlines and to-do lists and no clue what to make for dinner. There is one quiet window before the boys come home and Pete has made it back early and we’re hoping for a snatched ten minute nap. But she’s inconsolable for reasons she can’t put into two-year-old words yet and I’m on my knees reaching for her.

I will always come, baby.

She’s in my arms and slowly beginning the ritual of stroking my right arm. Her curls are warm and sweaty and that pudgy baby cheek fits just under my chin.

I will always come.

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I dance with her slowly – the rock and roll of motherhood – and I know this is a promise I can stake my life on.

I will always come.

When you forget your lunch. When you are sheep number 5 in the Christmas play. When you take up the recorder and bleat all the way through the Easter service. When you get that bad hair cut. When you think you want to be a beauty queen, when you swear off fashion altogether.

I will come.

When the mean girls make you want to shrivel inside your skin. When a teacher intimidates you. When you intimidate the teachers. When you think you can sing and try out for a musical, when you get laughed at and people point fingers at your hair and your shoes and your too bony hips.

My darling, I will come.

When that boy breaks your heart and you’re stranded at a college miles away, I will come. When the internship you thought was part of your calling falls through. When a friend gets sick. When the car crashes. When you have more long distance charges than you thought possible. When you run out of gas, chocolate chip cookies and faith.

I will be there.

When you say your “I dos,” when you you start your happily ever afters, when none of it quite feels like you thought it would. When you don’t know how to pick a mattress, when the sofa is in the wrong place, when you regret what feels like signing your life away to someone else. When you keep on keeping on. When you remember how to say sorry. When you need a safe place to say how cliche you feel all “barefoot and pregnant” I will so be there.

When the baby won’t sleep and the world’s on fire with sleep exhaustion.

Sweetheart, I will come.

When your husband’s out of work. When you’re down to one car and have moved in with his in-laws. When your job threatens to break your heart. When toddlers make you question your sanity. When you realize that you’ve made the worst mistake a woman can make. When you’ve run out of tears and still the tears keeping coming.

I will come.

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When you move and move and relocate again. When you pack boxes and dreams and hope. When your life is a world of duct tape and questions. I will still come.

And when your home is warm and your heart is full. When you’re at peace. When you need someone to share the joy, to watch the kids, to admire the dimples. When you want to remember that old recipe for melktert, when you still can’t pick a sofa, when you wish you’d never said yes to the dog.

When you don’t know where you’re going. When you’re the most sure of yourself you’ve ever been. When you’re holding onto faith with just your fingernails. When you’re singing, “Jesus loves me this I know” and you mean it with every tiny, beautiful, miraculous part of your DNA –

Zoe, always I will come. One hundred different ways I will come when you call.

I will rock and roll you with my love and the promise that I will help you get back on your feet. I will hold your hand. I will rejoice. I will babysit. I will pass the tissues. I will wash the dishes.

I will come.

Tonight.

Tomorrow.

And the day after. And after.

And then some.

lisa-jo-3Guest Blogger Lisa-Jo Baker: First and faremost Lisa-Jo is a mom. A mom who sincerely believe motherhood should come with its own super hero cape. And on most days she can’t find her car keys, her cell phone or her mind. Most nights she think her heart will burst wide open from all the messy love stuffed inside it for those sweetly snoring kids And many mornings I want to quit motherhood before I’ve even served the first bowl of Cheerios of the day. A mother who absolutely maintain that motherhood is the hardest and most transformative role we’ll ever had.

Yep Lisa-Jo is just like you and I.

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Along My Journey…Grieving

Grief is an interesting process, one that I understand but, then again, don’t. Grief seems to take on a life of its own and, for each person, this journey is uniquely their own. For me, the death of my mom this past spring is still too raw and I have not ventured into those turbulent waters. However, my sister, Ann, who lived with our mom, has taken a different route on her journey.

Along My Journey

by Ann Sudekum
Ann and mom February 2013

Ann and mom February 2013

One thing that has helped me with my grieving process has been writing in a journal, which releases a lot of anxiety and pain and anger. Not just with the loss of my mother, but also with the loss of other dreams and desires.

Much of what I have written is for my eyes only, but sometimes I think my words could be of value to others. So, today, I offer a recent “stream of consciousness” in what could be considered a poem.

 


Along My Journey

Along my journey I have walked into many caves and the darkness frightened me and made me cry out for help.

Along my journey I have received love and kindness from many angels here on earth. These angels are the living, breathing human beings in my life who hold me up and encourage me.

Along my journey I have felt like I had dragons to slay; big, mean dragons. But, slay them I did and, when I did, I loudly whispered amen.

Along my journey I have received an overwhelming sense of peace from many angels in heaven. These angels are the people I speak to at night and who visit me in my dreams.

Along my journey I have encountered a hungry tiger and I fed him with my guilt. But the hope inside me helped me redeem myself.

Along my journey I have wandered astray and wearily asked God for help to guide me back home and He has taken my hand and walked beside me.


536672_10200831568021978_937239642_nAs someone who likes variety in their life, Ann Sudekum is a writer, a personal chef, and an all-around marketing consultant. She owns two companies: Ann’s Custom Cuisine and Sudekum Solutions and spends most of her time in front of the stove or in the front of the computer (usually while sitting outside on her patio). In her free time, she enjoys walking her Collie, Seamus, planning her next party or reading a mystery novel.

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Would I ever stop sacrificing myself for my children? Not in a million years.

Diapers & Daisies…Motherhood said simply

Guest Blogger Sarah: Diapers & Daisies….Motherhood Said Simple.

A blogger who started blogging as a way to keep track of my memories, capture the absurdity of my children and to have a little chunk of cyber space to call my own.

Be sure to read all of Sarah’s blog post at: http://www.diapersdaisies.com

sac-ri-fice

v. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having higher or more pressing claim.

To say you make sacrifices as a mother sounds endearing. It sounds admirable. And it is.

If we are holding true to definition when discussing the sacrifice of motherhood, it means “to surrender something prized (your independence and self) for the sake of something considered as having a higher claim (your children).

Every mother makes sacrifices. If you are not making sacrifices as a mother, you are most likely doing something wrong.

But at what point are you sacrificing too much?
At what point do you begin losing yourself?

Not too long ago, I began feeling as if I had lost myself. I had no career. I had no free-time. I had no opportunity to think about the things that I wanted in my life, or the dreams I had. I existed only as somebody’s mother. I am not even sure that I counted as a wife.

Chasing dreams is impossible while chasing children.

Pondering my future is never penciled into the daily schedule between soccer practice and piano, so it never fits in. It gets pushed aside for another day. Or the day after that. Or after that.

So, would I ever stop sacrificing myself for my children? Not in a million years.

But lately, instead of looking down upon the mothers who hire a babysitter for the night out, I envy them. Rather than judging mothers with careers outside the home, I admire them. They know that they are an individual that is separate from their children. They have a title other than “mom.” They enjoy car rides of silence and lunches that are eaten without having to spoon feed someone else synonymously. Their schedules do not include only activities intended for tiny human beings. They do not speak in baby-languages all day long, and find themselves saying “boom,” and “oopsey daisy” far too much. They are not just the diaper changer, of the chauffer.

I spend everyday of my life wondering how I can make my kid’s dreams come true; how to make sure that they are happy, healthy, satisfied, and enjoying their life—all the while, forgetting mine.

I’d like to think that is why I started my blog. To get back to who I am. To put words on paper with meaning. To connect my passion as a writer with my love of being a mom. Moreover, connecting myself as an individual with myself as a mother.

So I wrote down some ways to remember me. Hopefully they also help you.

  1. Don’t forget to dream. Dream big. They may not all come true. It may take you 20 years to write your book- but start. Write down the first word. Be in progress. Do not allow having children to hinder your dreams. They may take longer to reach, but we all know that slow and steady wins the race.
  2. Pencil you in. Whether you write in, “spa,” or just “mom time” on the calendar. Put it down on paper. Have a check box beside it, and hold yourself to it. Give yourself time on a weekly basis to exist as an individual.
  3. Explore yourself. Being a mother opens up new doors everyday. Keep your eyes up and heart open while you explore new outlets and means of inspiration. Try gardening. Start a blog. Paint. You can involve your children as you search for new passions. Start inspiring yourself right now. Who knows, maybe you will inspire your children as well.
  4. Live in the moment. Stay present. Never allow your life as a mom to become monotonous. Be spontaneous always. The world is out there, be apart of it. Take your children by the hand and lean into it.
  5. Don’t be a slouch. Put your face on. Remember your skinny jeans. Look your best and you will feel your best. When you feel good, you are more likely to take the world by the balls (yupp, I just said that). Face the world with your best foot forward always.
  6. Your children do not have higher claim. You matter too. You are also someone’s child. You have dreams. You are a separate entity. You cannot make your children happy if you are not happy yourself. Don’t forget to remember you.

Learn skills that change your life and the life of your child.

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Oxytocin Parenting

This is an awesome responsibility. Luckily, it’s not that hard. Many of the things you naturally do to care for your child help shape a healthy oxytocin response.

But some common childrearing practices do more harm than good. These mistakes can train your baby to believe that the world is a scary, uncomfortable place. And these attitudes can persist throughout life, limiting your child’s ability to experience love, joy and connection.

Oxytocin Parenting is an approach that helps you use your natural inclinations to create a warm, safe connection with your baby and, as she grows, teach her how to love and trust appropriately and safely.

The book contrasts traditional views of parenting practices with the way Oxytocin Parenting views them.

You will learn to parent softly in a way that feels good to you and to your child.

If you’re thinking about getting pregnant, expecting or raising a baby or toddler, then Oxytocin Parenting is for you!

I encourage you to read this book Susan Kuchinskas and Brain Post
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How to Guide Teens Through Loss and Grief

Max Schwolert

I recently had the honor of talking to an intimate group of parents who where at a loss as to how to help their children cope with the loss of a friend, 17-year-old Max Schwolert, who died from complications of the flu during a holiday vacation. Those who knew Max, and those who never had the pleasure of meeting a Schwolert, had many questions. Only one being: “How can I help my child through this?”

As a parent or support person, you have the opportunity to gently guide your teenager in living with the loss, as I do not know one ever truly “gets over it.”

A loss of a friendship can be hard on a teenager, just as it can be on adults. It is important to validate your teen’s feelings of loss. In validating those feelings, you make it easier for him or her to share their stories about the friendship, the memories of happy and sad times. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals.

As a parent or support person, you have the opportunity to gently guide your teenager in living with the loss, as I do not know one ever truly “gets over it.” Many teenagers feel guilty because their friend died; yet they have a chance at life and graduation, and romance, and experiences, and even new friendships.

One thing that is very important for parents to know is: When your children are grieving and crying, your job is not to fix them. It is natural to want to make their crying stop, but this desire really is more about your pain because it hurts you to see your children cry. But, your job is not to make their pain go away, but to walk hand-in-hand with your child so they can learn to work through this pain. In other words, you have to honor your child’s feelings and allow them to have them so they can learn to process and express a range of emotions, and react in appropriate ways in emotional situations.

Parents also need to realize that, in your intention to fix them, you send the message that you don’t see them, and they therefore do not feel heard by you—this “not being seen and heard by you” can lead to a fight. This is because you have failed to understand your child’s real point and their thoughts or feelings underlying that point. I recommend you quit trying to fix your children and start communicating that you believe in them.

When your child is crying or upset and you don’t know what to do, stop and take a moment to reflect what you are seeing in your child. For example you could say, “You’re really angry. You want this to be over because this is really bothering you.” This will let your child know they are being heard and touched.

It’s also good to ask your children, “What do you need from me now?” Then, if your child just needs you to listen, they can say, “I just need you to listen.” Or if your child wants you to take some action, then they are able to tell you what action to take. This helps them feel like they have some control because death makes all of us feel out of control.

The bottom line is: Don’t fix your children. Instead help them learn how to feel and appropriately express their feelings. As parents, we can teach and guide our children to handle their emotions in ways that validates their feelings, while fostering healthy interactions with the world. In fact, emotional regulation is essential for children’s overall wellbeing.

Remember you’re the most important person to them as their parent and they just want you to walk with them on this journey.

On the flip side, it’s also okay for parents to cry and grieve in front of their children. While you may think you need to hide your pain from them, crying actually allows you to honor yourself and to feel your feelings. It’s okay to feel your pain because we all have to go through the struggle before we can come out on the other side.

The Struggle to Become a Butterfly 

There is a well-known story about a man who tried to help a butterfly out of its cocoon by slitting the cocoon open. The butterfly that emerged had small, unformed wings, and died soon after. What the man didn’t realize is the butterfly needed the struggle out of the cocoon to force the fluid into its wings; to stretch and open them so that the butterfly could fly. By trying to shortcut the process, the man had instead doomed the creature.

I use this story to illustrate that, while it’s hard to watch someone you love struggle, sometimes we need to learn to wait and let the process unfold on its own.

Remember: WITHOUT THE STRUGGLE, THERE ARE NOT WINGS!

If God allowed us to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. We would never be able to fly.

How To Help Your Teens

  • Be honest and let them know what’s happening
  • Be willing to listen, and available to talk about whatever they need to talk about
  • Acknowledge the emotions they may be feeling—fear, sadness, anger
  • It can be helpful for parents, or other adults, to share their own feelings regarding the loss
  • Frequently reassure them they are safe, who is caring for them, and which adults they can trust to ask for further support
  • Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible
  • Talk to them about grief – what it is, that it’s normal, that everyone is different
  • Avoid expectations of adult behavior – allow them to be the age and stage they are and encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings – give them ideas of things they could try, such as doing physical activities, writing, singing, listening to music, talking with friends, reading etc.
  • Allow questions and provide honest answers
  • Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them
  • Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them
  • Talk about death together; answer any questions they may have
  • Let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss

IT IS IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE WHEN YOUR TEENAGER IS STRUGGLING WITH THE LOSS MORE THAN WHAT IS NORMAL.

Recognizing the symptoms is one way of helping your teenager deal with the loss such as: 

  • Teenagers can experience symptoms of depression and have angry outbursts.
  • They can also be at the opposite end of the spectrum by showing a lack of emotions and feeling numb.
  • There can be problems in school with failing grades or delinquent behaviors.
  • Further symptoms showing difficulty processing the loss might include personality changes, self-destructive behaviors (drinking, drugs, etc.), withdrawal and isolation, or even suicidal thoughts.

While this is not an all-inclusive list of symptoms, it does give you an idea of how hard the loss of an important relationship can be on a teenager. If you are concerned about any extreme reactions, or if you think the young person may have become depressed, contact your doctor or other trained adviser, such as a counselor, senior staff member from their school, social worker, community or youth worker or a local family support agency.

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group you can contact her at: 214-499-0396, Kay@KayTrotter.com or visit her web site www.KayTrotter.com

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I Offer This Blessing—To Bless The Wonderful Person So Worthy Of Love That YOU Are

As I sit here pondering the past year and reflecting on my life and the treasures bestowed to me and the ones yet to come, I find that I am grateful for it all. For the joys and for the sorrows, for without these experiences I would not be the person I am today. Through the losses in my life’s journey amidst the pain and tears I also was blessed to discover that the ONLY thing important in life is the relationships we have with each other—our connectedness with loved ones. Everything else is just stuff.

So, with this in mind I “Send Blessings Out Into The Universe With Your Name…….I offer this Blessing—for you. My hope is that you will embrace and “recognize your infinite good which is part of the very fabric of the universe.” I also pray that you send out blessings wherever  you go and these beautiful words on the gentle art of blessing written by Pierre Pradervand is a wonderful example of how to bless others in your everyday life. – Dr. Kay Trotter

Be sure to also watch this beautiful video “The Gentle Art of Blessing” where  Janes Joy brings Pierre’s words to life with music and wonderful photo’s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WegAgepCYfo

“The Simple Art of Blessing” by Pierre Pradervand 





On awakening, bless your day as it is already overflowing with an abundance of goods that show your blessings. For bless means to recognize the infinite good which is part of the very fabric of the universe. He expects us to sign a manifest.

People crossing the street, on the bus, at your place of work, bless them all. The peace of your blessing will be the companion of their way and will have a discreet fragrance light their way. Bless those you encounter in their health, their work, their joy, their relationship to God, to themselves and others. Bless them in their abundance and their finances. Bless them in every way conceivable, because such blessings not only sow the seeds of healing but one day, like so many flowers burst forth with joy in the arid areas of your life.

As you walk, bless your village or city, those who govern and its teachers, its nurses and street sweepers, its priests and prostitutes. At the very moment someone expresses any aggression, anger or lack of kindness towards you, respond with a blessing silent. Bless them totally, sincerely, joyfully, for such blessings are a shield that protects you from the ignorance of their misdeeds, and diverts the arrow that is sent to you.

To bless means to wish and want unconditionally, totally and unreservedly good unlimited – for others and the events of life – drawing on sources deepest and most intimate of your being. This means reverence and awe with a total look that is always a gift from the Creator and that whatever appearances. One that is supported by your blessing is set apart, consecrated the world.

Bless everything and everyone, without discrimination, is the ultimate form of giving, because those you bless will never know from where does this sudden ray of sunshine broke through the clouds of their skies, and you will rarely witnessed in this light their lives.

When, in your day, some unexpected upsets you you as far as your plans, burst into blessing, because life is going to teach you a lesson, even if the cut may seem bitter. For this event you believe to be undesirable if you have in fact created, in order to learn the lesson that you escape if you hesitate to bless him. Events are blessings hidden and cohorts of angels follow their footsteps.

To bless means to recognize beauty everywhere hidden from material eyes. This is to enable the universal law of attraction, from the depths of the universe, will bring into your life exactly what you need in the moment to grow, grow, and fill the cup of your joy.

When you pass a prison, bless its people in their innocence and their freedom, their goodness, their pure essence and unconditional forgiveness. Because we can only prisoner of the image we have of ourselves, and a free man can walk without chains in the courtyard of a prison, as well as citizens of a free country may be trapped when fear lurks in their minds.

When you pass a hospital, bless its patients in the fullness of their health, because even in their suffering and disease, this fullness is just waiting to be discovered. And when you see someone crying or seemingly broken by life, bless it in its vitality and joy for the senses do not show that the inverse of the splendor and ultimate perfection that only the inner eye can perceive .

It is impossible to bless and judge at the same time. Then hold in the desire to bless you as an incessant inner resonance and as a perpetual silent prayer for you and those are the peacemakers, and one day, you will discover all the face of God.

 – Pierre Pradervand

PS And above all, do not forget to bless this wonderful person, totally beautiful in its true nature, and so worthy of love that YOU are.

http://vivreautrement.org

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group you can contact her at: 214-499-0396, Kay@KayTrotter.com or visit her web site http://www.KayTrotter.com

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Gratitude and Praise to Teachers

As everyone heads back to school, I would like to take a moment to give Praise and Gratitude to all the Teachers that parents have entrusted to care for their most precious children.

All of us know first hand the impact teachers had on us growing up, but few of us know the loving sacrifice teachers freely make on a daily basis.

For the past four years, I have had the honor of a “backstage pass” into the real lives of teachers because I’ve watched my daughter, Kelly, serve as an elementary school teacher. Through her experience, I have personally witnessed the joys teaching has brought to her and I also understand the stressful challenges she has to balance in her life.

When I began writing this, I was instantly taken back to the year Kelly’s class had five special needs students she lovingly called “her boys.” When you entered Kelly’s classroom that year, you not only saw and heard 20+ students clamoring for attention, seeking answers to questions and desiring guidance – all of which every teacher faces daily – you also got a glimpse into the very different world of Autism as it walked hand-in-hand with a mainstream classroom. Kelly soon found herself performing a daily dance that combined the needs of her regular students with the poor communication skills, social awareness and behavioral characteristics of Autism. The tapestry woven between teacher and students was amazing – but it came at the price of stressful days, emotional exhaustion and tremendous fatigue . . . A price I know Kelly would lovingly pay again. Objectively, teaching has got to be one of the top 5 most stressful careers in the world.

Comedian Bill Cosby knows the importance of teachers and, in fact, attributes his own phenomenal success to a teacher. As a sixth-grade student in Philadelphia, he was inspired by his teacher, Mary Forchic, to follow his dreams of becoming an entertainer. Recognizing his natural storytelling abilities, she suggested “you should become either a lawyer or an actor because you lie so well.” Forchic has remained one of Cosby’s lifelong friends and Cosby has devoted a great deal of his time to ensure that all children have the opportunity to benefit from teachers like Forchic.  We could all follow Cosby’s lead and express our gratitude for the enormous contributions that dedicated teachers make to our childrens’ lives and to our community.

So many teachers are at school early and stay late, they correct papers and plan instruction on evenings and weekends — working hard to meet the educational needs of students, some of whom struggle to make progress despite the stress of life. Teachers also buy materials with money from their own pockets and volunteer their time to attend school carnivals and sporting events while also attending workshops and training to continually develop their own skills. I assure you they don’t do all this for the money.

They do it because they care about your child.

As another school year gets underway, now is an appropriate time to remind everyone to continuously thank the effective and dedicated teachers in our schools.

Yes, teachers make all the difference.

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about her counseling practice, you can contact her at: Kay@KayTrotter.com214-499-0396, or visit her web site http://www.KayTrotter.com.

Dr Trotter also post regularly in her FaceBook fan page http://www.facebook.com/DrKaySudekumTrotter.

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Steps to Surrender

Steps-to-surrender

My Spiritual Journey: Counselor—Faith—Intuition

July 2, 2009

Part 5 of a 5 part blog series

Today as I sat meditating I realized that another message I received yesterday is that God has a very important mission for me. Yes, it will change my life greatly, and it will also change the lives of many others. But I already knew that, right? So, what is the problem?

Surrender is the problem or lack of surrendering really. I need to surrender this to God and start doing his work. Knowing deep down in my being that when I go out on faith — when I own my healing power — God will be there and to take care of me. BUT my ego has got to get out of the way.

Great, you’re saying. How in the heck do I get my headstrong crazy ego to leave, or just chill out? Well, yesterday I finally heard the answer, and it actually is simple. It’s something that I’ve heard for years, but I guess I really did not truly hear it. It’s prayer. It’s asking specifically for God’s guidance. Asking for God to help me. So, in essence when we pray to God, asking Him to come into our lives and guide us, what we really are doing is two-fold. First, by “asking” we are giving God and all His angles permission to be with us. To interact on our benefit. To change the course of things. To be our companion. To work hand and hand with us throughout our lives.

I did not realize that because of the free will God gave us, without us asking God to guide us, he couldn’t. What irony is that?

All those years when I was a volunteer in youth group and people would ask me how I felt about abortion, I would tell them I am pro-choice. Boy, what violent and confused reactions I would get. Then I simply would ask them this question: “What is one of the greatest gifts God has given us?” The answer, of course, is “free will.” It is this gift of free will that requires us to ask God to guide us. Until we specifically ask, all God can do is sit back and love us.

The other thing that happens when we “ask” God is that through our asking, He now is in charge, and our ego can be removed. Once our ego is out of the picture, our fears lessen. Why? Because we are not in control – God is. Remember, we asked God to guide our steps, and to be in charge. We turned our troubles over to him. How cool is that.

Of course our domineering, blood sucking ego has a hard time staying out of things, so it becomes a process of assuring our ego — like little children —that everything will be okay. So during this discovery I wrote down some prayers and affirmations to help me ask God specifically to guide me on this spiritual journey.

Affirmation
I am surrounded by the pure white light of God
For love, guidance and protection
Only good shall go from me;
Only good shall come to me.
I give thanks, I give thanks, I give thanks.

Things to remember or focus on:
Guide me, God so I can be of spiritual service.
I must ask for God’s guidance and direction everyday in my life.
I must ask for spiritual assistance to come into my life.
I need to focus on the promise of what is coming (this helps keep my ego in check).

With all this in mind I came up with my daily prayer.

My Daily Prayer
Thank you, God, for calling me to be of spiritual service to you,
And for giving me this time to reflect and become whole.
Please guide me in doing the best possible actions each day.
Please send me people who will help me fulfill Your mission for me in this lifetime.

My Spiritual Journey Continued

Part 1 My Spiritual Journey

Part 2 My Struggle…

Part 3 God’s Passionate Touch

Part 4 God Wants to Talk to You

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about Kaleidoscope Counseling please call 214-499-0396

Dr Trotter also post regularly on her: Facebook Fan Page and Pinterest.

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God’s Compassionate Touch

Gods-touch

Part 3 of My Spiritual Journey: Counselor—Faith—Intuition

June 22, 2009

Part 3 of a 5 part blog series

As I continue to read today God was not finished with me yet. Even thou the sun threatens to run me off my patio, He has more He needs to tell me—more I need to hear. To start I guess I need to share with you the words I underlined in the book God has chosen for me to start my spiritual journey, well one of the books anyway. God actually has me reading four books at the moment. Each for a different purposes each with a different meaning. As a side note I do find it important to share that this poor little dyslexia girl has NEVER read more than one book at time before now. Well anyway here are the words that spoke to me today. They seem to center around two themes compassion and wounded spirit, they are:

  • People longed for His compassionate touch
  • Each who came was touched
  • And each one was changed
  • Compassionate touch
  • That one touch changed their life forever
  • He extended his hand, palm forward
  • Isolate their wounded
  • He was put outside the village
  • Infected by this fear of rejection and their memories of the last time they tired. They choose not to be touched at all. Rather than RISK being hurt again
  • Before He spoke, I knew He cared
  • I will never forget the One who dared to touch me

This last one did it —God is now yelling at me saying “Kay don’t you get it!” “I want YOU to dare to touch my children completely with all of your being and all of your spirit. And I God will not only show you how (even though you already know how) I will be there to hold you –because I know you think you will fail you think you will fall. But I God knows better. I know that this is only your fear talking because I God know you won’t fall, that you won’t fail; that you will achieve all that I have planned for you to be. I want you Kay to touch my children to honor me by honoring them to validate me by validating them, to christen them in the Glory of Christ. Yours is the Power of the Godly touch.”

As a side note while I re-read what I wrote today God wanted me to change what I wrote. You see as I penned the bullet points above I put the word God in parenthesis. Now God is telling me to remove the parenthesis. He wanted me to own that it is Kay doing the touching, and to stop deflecting by saying it was God. He wants me to truly embrace and own the power that God has given me. Yes, God is working through me but I have to own my part totally and right now in this moment in time — that’s kind of scary for me —

My Spiritual Journey Continued

Part 1 My Spiritual Journey

Part 2 My Struggle…

Part 4 God Wants to Talk to You

Part 5 Steps to Surrender

If you would like Dr. Kay Trotter to come talk to your group or find out more about Kaleidoscope Counseling please call 214-499-0396

Dr Trotter also post regularly on her: Facebook Fan Page and Pinterest.

Read More
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